Moving Pews

A relatively unknown Japanese inventor, Sfo Ollirpa, has created a system that could revolutionise churches across the world. Imagine being the first to arrive at church on Sabbath morning and finding an empty building but for one solitary pew along the back wall. Having sat on this pew, the pew will begin to move slowly forward before grinding to a halt at the front of the building whilst another pew appears at the back ready for the next person who enters. This process repeats itself until everybody has arrived and is seated at the front of the building. In one interview the inventor claimed that the Pewmover2000 is the solution "to a problem facing many traditional churches". He spoke of visiting churches where people had "family pews" or sat as far away from the preacher as possible "without sitting in the porch".

There has already been some opposition voiced to this new technology. The high carbon emmissions could lead to some churches rejecting the technology to protect the environment although strong speculation remains that a Green Pewmover2001 will soon be available for those who prefer a solar-powered system. The fiercist oppostition comes from those who claim such technology is inerrantly evil, such as Rev. J. King of the AFJ church of Atlanta, who issued a statement saying "If stationary pews were good enough for Paul, they are good enough for me."

I believe if the trials, currently ongoing in America, prove Ollirpa's claims that the Pewmover2000 will lead to greater church unity surely we should be considering investing in this new technology? This piece equipment whilst costly could prove to be beneficial in our church buildings and moving pews would make seating for the elderly considerably easier. Onwards and Upwards with the Pewmover2000!

Installation Day at one American Church